A letter I received in September 2009

Dear ______,

I know this sounds crazy, but I really dug you.  The truth is, I’ve hit a really rough patch and decided to leave San Francisco to try to find work on the east coast.  I wanted to see you one more time to say goodbye.  But I figured you met somebody else already so I hope you have a happy life.

Love,

______.

P.S.  I want you to have the car that I built for ______.  I didn’t want to leave it with him, he doesn’t deserve to keep it.  I want you to have it, okay?

rsvp

this is an invitation to eternity
this is what you get when you get me
i make you afraid but you don’t flee
welcome to hell
it’s time
welcome to eternity

things i miss ongoing

walking holding hands
small appetite a little waist
college classes
others doing kegstands
eyes wide open
waking up real late
alhambra post office
game of shoeball
at the corner bus stop
free doughnut at 3am
blind dates
channel skate
blue bell bullets
frozen pizza and summer vacation
having money
a complete set of parents
caring about fashion
being good at writing
an imagination

the weakness

the longer it’s been
more months passing
more color fills the vessel
tilted pitcher of reds and pinks
intensifies instead of lessens
i think time has played an evil trick
wounds should heal instead of blister
what a full pot is is something closed
no room for words or weeds
so etched into my skin of gold,
“my love is weak, my
mistakes grow old”
(by someone else and not myself)
who left behind the smell of burn and smelt

suddenly

i feel very sad.

Glasses

You’re like glasses
Hold water, see farther
See through you and shatter
I lost you then found you
A spare, draft another
Kissed the wine, bent a wire
The layer and layers
have snapped in my fingers.
Coarse sands into glitter
the hands they have tempered.
Transparency and clarity
in a man and a wonder.

The Calm

When I close my eyes
I can see the calm
It is black and white
and topped with soft peaks.
I treat myself by leaving me
because for once I am not cold,
an old lady,
some hot thing.
Fixing to let go
I could melt like man-made snow
on to billows of pillows
on your bed
that smell like old head.
I close my eyes I feel your arm
I can see the calm
For once I am warm.

Starry Starry Nights

Swirly crunchy crisp
Let me tell you something about starry starry nights
Like creamy crackle crunch
Dark yet bright
Wide and alive
Rub your partner’s neck
as you look up into the sky
Starry starry nights
Can you believe your eyes
Would you want to lick or take a bite
Starry starry nights
Try ‘em and you’ll agree
that starry starry nights
are most brilliantly sweet

Fraud

As a poet I am a fraud.
You think I believe myself?
You think I believe my words?
You think I believe in love?
You think I believe in you?
Do you think I believe in God?
Nuh-uh, there ain’t no conviction in this diction.
As a poet I am a fraud!

Cheers

“I don’t have to do shit!”
It’s true and neither do you
Ahh, the beauty of being alive–
Human robot love man
Kisses rarely lie
Sometimes perfection imitates drama
so good, I could just die
and I could just die.