Butterflies

I couldn’t really eat
because you see there was
a butterfly inside me.
A feeling of flutter,
not really a bother
but there inside my tummy.

Since I couldn’t really eat
I drank nectar
that’s sweet and it’d
remind me of where
we used to meet in the city.

Yes, indeed, a butterfly
danced in me.
Then it multiplied every time
we stopped for coffee
or a whisky.

By and by I realized
those butterflies came to life
every time you espied me as your wife
I felt weak
because the thrill was undying;
(And yes, I couldn’t really eat)
But they fluttered unweary
as to inform me
we’d better not worry
Our fragility is nothing more than imaginary.

Rendezvous

Lonely is an empty place.
Don’t need to travel far.
It is mine and quiet
And I rather like it
It’s where I hide my heart.

I don’t say to stay away
They read it in my face.
I’m cold and quiet
But too old to like it
I’ll be young again someday.

I’ve felt the world stop.
When there were two of us.
But I knew it couldn’t last.
As he was going
he released my hand
And the earth returned to turning.

Sick of Thoughts of Me

Sick of thoughts of me

I guess we both used her

as the easy way out
So what’ll happen when

that shitface hits the fan

Will you see me as the woman

that I am

Or will you walk on home

And imagine my mistake

I lie awake alone

just to think of things to hate
Surprised my hit list is just an empty slate?

You could never see the woman

that I am
You could never see you may have kept her

since what you feared I felt
are foreign to my nature

Blowing It Hard

They said he had everything going for himself.  the job the looks the money the brains the talent the skills the clothes the yard the car the stars in his eyes.
Some said he even had the girl.
But when things rule a thing of a man,
he loses how to live in the moment.
Money clips and fingertips slip
Flex a puny grip, she screamed, “you’re a manchild!”
And that’s when everything came tumbling down.
A real man, lying helplessly on the bedroom floor.
On her way out, she held open the door
but he didn’t even move to meet her eyes.
A pitiful pile of a manchild.
Welcome, ladies.
Watch your step.

A letter I received in September 2009

Dear ______,

I know this sounds crazy, but I really dug you.  The truth is, I’ve hit a really rough patch and decided to leave San Francisco to try to find work on the east coast.  I wanted to see you one more time to say goodbye.  But I figured you met somebody else already so I hope you have a happy life.

Love,

______.

P.S.  I want you to have the car that I built for ______.  I didn’t want to leave it with him, he doesn’t deserve to keep it.  I want you to have it, okay?

rsvp

this is an invitation to eternity
this is what you get when you get me
i make you afraid but you don’t flee
welcome to hell
it’s time
welcome to eternity

things i miss ongoing

walking holding hands
small appetite a little waist
college classes
others doing kegstands
eyes wide open
waking up real late
alhambra post office
game of shoeball
at the corner bus stop
free doughnut at 3am
blind dates
channel skate
blue bell bullets
frozen pizza and summer vacation
having money
a complete set of parents
caring about fashion
being good at writing
an imagination

suddenly

i feel very sad.

Glasses

You’re like glasses
Hold water, see farther
See through you and shatter
I lost you then found you
A spare, draft another
Kissed the wine, bent a wire
The layer and layers
have snapped in my fingers.
Coarse sands into glitter
the hands they have tempered.
Transparency and clarity
in a man and a wonder.

The Calm

When I close my eyes
I can see the calm
It is black and white
and topped with soft peaks.
I treat myself by leaving me
because for once I am not cold,
an old lady,
some hot thing.
Fixing to let go
I could melt like man-made snow
on to billows of pillows
on your bed
that smell like old head.
I close my eyes I feel your arm
I can see the calm
For once I am warm.